One that comes to mind for me: “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is not always true. Maybe even only half the time! Are there any phrases you tend to hear and shake your head at?
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
No. What doesn’t kill you creates trauma.
Yeah what didn’t kill me gave me a chronic disease. I’m weak as hell compared to 3 years ago.
For me it turned me into a depressed person who no longer feels emotion the way I did before. I’m 99% numb. The other 1% is manic attacks.
Same. But in a way, it did kill me, so maybe that’s why I’m not getting stronger.
I can relate. My experience completely changed my personality.
I definitely look at the pre-depression version of myself and see a completely different person.
What doesn’t kill you evolves and tries again
In the same vein (and at least as dangerous): “Pain is just weakness leaving the body.” No, you testosterone poisoned numb-nuts - it is your body’s way of telling you that something is not right. Stop and listen!
Science has proven that what doesn’t kill you (like a virus) actually weakens you. But, conversely, you become more efficient at responding to that specific thing so it only appears like it made you stronger.
I’m a fan of “what doesn’t kill you only serves to postpone the inevitable.” But maybe that’s a bit fatalistic.
I won’t judge. Life isn’t a picnic for most.
It’s not a picnic, and doesn’t have to be. Without the bad we wouldn’t always appreciate the good things in life. I’ve been fortunate, I’m living well these days, happily married, and haven’t suffered from depression in probably over a decade now (though anxiety is an ever present low buzz in the background. I’m used to it).
But that phrase is irksome. What doesn’t kill you doesn’t always make you stronger. Sometimes it fucks up your life. Sometimes it’s a roadblock, other times it’s life altering in unforeseen ways, and occasionally the consequences of what doesn’t kill is a tragic fate worse than death.
Tripping and falling might not kill me, might just lead to embarrassment. Or it could lead to CTE or irreversible brain damage from head trauma. Certainly not stronger for that sort of thing.
What doesn’t kill you only postpones the inevitable.
And maybe a long term disability too.
What doesn’t kill you gets exrea practice for next time.
Well, no, the trauma is the event itself. The reaction to it is post-traumatic stress. If that stress gets in the way of your day-to-day functioning, then it could be called PTSD (but there’s like pages and pages of diagnostic criteria too).
Always appreciate it when a pedant joins the conversation. Thank you.
Not a fan of “it is what it is”. It’s called a thought-terminating cliche. It often means “I’m tired of talking about this, do it my way” when my boss says it.
I’ve always liked it. I guess it depends who is saying it because when my old boss said it, it meant more like, “this is the situation we’re in, let’s not waste time arguing about why it is the situation and let’s just focus on dealing with it and going forward”
Yeah it can have wildly different meanings depending on the circumstances in which it’s said. It can be “well we can’t change it, may as well get on with life” all the way to “well this discussion is not gonna change anything, let’s get on with fixing it”. Very similar, but polar opposite sentiments.
Those sentiments seem identical to me.
First one is saying there’s no point fixing anything, just get over it. Second one saying fixing it might suck, let’s fix it anyway.
Very, very different…
Oh? They both read to me as “We can’t change the past, only the future”.
I personally would only use the original phrase to imply what you’re saying. This is why context matters so much I think; some people just use it as a thought terminating cliche, I’m afraid.
You bring an interesting point! So there’s a Japanese phrase this reminds me of: Shouganai (しょうがない) which translates to “It can’t be helped”. For me, this hits differently than “It is what it is”. Perhaps it’s the context, as I know it’s said about natural disasters like tsunamis and therefore has a connotation of the “getting on with fixing it” like you said.
Sure, not everything needs to be picked apart in detail. But, I never use the phrase myself. As someone else ITT pointed out, context matters, too.
I tend to say things like, “we should fix it now, worry about blame later”. Or something along those lines.
,I feel like this one is context dependent. Sometimes it’s just acceptance of the situation.
“Wish it weren’t so hot outside, but this is Texas in August. It is what it is.”
Context definitely matters. Your example wouldn’t bother me.
Some people seem to think it’s a mic drop in other contexts.
An entirely hollow statement, yet somehow ringing with apathy.
Well, it is what it is.
Damn. I was going to say that.
Ah well, es lo que es.Dos eck eeeees
The basic law of Cologne:
§1: Et es wie et es. („It is how it is.“) Look the facts in the eye, you can’t change them.
$2: Et kütt wie et kütt. („It’ll come as it comes.“) Accept the inevitable, you can’t change fate.
§3: Et hätt noch emmer joot jejange. („Everything turned out fine in the past.“) What turned out okay yesterday, will still work tomorrow. Situationally: We know it’s shit, but it’s the best we can do with what we have.
§4: Wat fott es, es fott. („What’s gone is gone.“) Don’t cling to the past.
§5: Et bliev nix wie et wor. („Nothing ever stays the same.“) Be open to new developments.
I use it for things that can be talked about for ages, but nothing can be changed about them. I don’t use it to terminate discussion, but more of a well understood quick hand for acceptance and sometimes resignation.
“Agree to disagree” is even worse, especially since often the thing you’re arguing about is an empirical goddamn fact and they are not entitled to “disagree” about it. That’s not having a difference of opinion; that’s just fucking being wrong!
Ooo I get that one, but kinda the opposite way. I tell someone it has to be done this way, or to a certain standard, for it to be right. They don’t want to, so they respond with that nonsense.
I like it. It’s premise is accepting things beyond your control, allowing someone to stoically move forward rather than dwell in anxiety and disbelief.
Tautology is tautology, as I say.
The first rule of the tautology club…
It’s what it’s
I agree, when it’s used as a thought-terminating cliché. It’s also very applicable to impart acceptance of something that you can’t control.
Titties what titties. Why did I think this would be funny
It’s good for when talking about things beyond your control. They way your boss is using it is bullshit. In that case, it is what he’s choosing to decide it is.
“Everything happens for a reason .”
No. Fuck no, and fuck you. I DARE you to say that to the faces of the endless innocent people—many of whom are CHILDREN—who have been murdered, tortured, abused, enslaved, raped, ect.
I hate how people use this but not the phrase itself.
Everything DOES happen for a reason. It’s literal, precise, and accurate. Reasons dont need to be mysterious, aloof, or unknowable. They often are because we choose to stop learning but everything does happen for a reason so start looking for better questions
The reasons just don’t necessarily come with any moral take away attached.
Children get bone cancer for purely physical reasons, yes, but there is no plan behind it, nothing that makes the situation better in any way and this is how the phrase is usually being used. It’s people saying: “Don’t be sad, something good will come of it.” to the faces of grieving parents or deathly ill people who have nothing to look forward to but pain.
Religious/spiritual proselytising has completely alienated the phrase from the methodological naturalism it could express.
Children get bone cancer for purely physical reasons, yes, but there is no plan behind it, nothing that makes the situation better in any way and this is how the phrase is usually being used
My exact point. Im glad you agree with me
All those innocent people being abused usually have a reason behind it too; it’s just that the reason is usually corporate greed and a lack of ethics in politics.
I mean, everything does happen for a reason. It’s just that most of the time, the reason is “because so-and-so is an asshole”. It makes it essentially a useless platitude, but not an untrue one. I definitely take issue with the implication of it, that there’s some supreme, all-knowing authority in the universe who has this complicated, labyrinthine plan for everyone that involves massive amounts of suffering. That whole “mysterious plan of God” thing is a way for Christians to take credit for all of the good stuff that happens, while downplaying all of the bad stuff that happens as just “part of God’s plan!” It’s insidious.
Second time I’m bringing it up in this thread, but in response to exactly that kind of thinking is why I’ve adopted “the universe doesn’t care, so we have to” as a phrase I try to live by.
There are so many popular ways of thinking that absolve humans and humanity of various kinds of responsibility.
It’s not good.
I used to say this when I was a cringy 20-year-old, before I really saw and understood the world (and still believed in a god).
Key indicator of privilege right there.
I think I get the sentiment that you are angry at but there is nothing wrong with that statement. It just doesn’t mean “whelp, there must be some higher purpose those things are serving that we don’t see” and is more like “there are some awful people doing bad things” or “they just were living in a seismic area” or “they had some genes not compatible with their survival”… There are always reasons. Not satisfying or purpose fulfilling reasons, just reasons.
"Pull up by the bootstraps"aka bootstrapping was a phrase originally coined to mean something being literally impossible and is now used as a tool to shame the poor for not overcoming nearly impossible social barriers.
“That’s just how they are” is always used to excuse bullies for being bullies.
aka bootstrapping
“Bootstrapping” came after “pull up by the bootstraps”. The former does allude to the latter, but it isn’t the same phrase; it was used in computing to refer to the initial startup of a computer, where the computer has to start up enough of itself to load its own code into memory. That’s a difficult problem, but not an impractical one.
“He/she just tells it like it is” No, they are just saying things that resonate with you, but have no actual alignment with data, facts or morality. Simply saying things with no filter doesn’t equal “like it is”. I find it is usually attributed to, at best, oversimplified or completely ignorant statements, at worst, misleading and/or hateful statements.
They’re just saying that it feels good to their confirmation bias.
“they say racist things and i like that because people don’t like it when i say it. this way i can be racist but outsource the messaging”
good for other kinds of bigotry and douchebaggery
You just reminded me of this
Those who champion “brutal honesty” are more interested in the brutality than the honest
I think it depends on the context. If we have an expert on a topic who tries to use some form of simplified Modell and direct speach to make his knowledge more understandable for everyone it is true. Even tho it may be simplified it still contains the most important parts.
In response to gross privacy violations from big companies and governments:
“If you’ve done nothing wrong, you’ve got nothing to fear.”
Here’s a great response to that:
If you’re at a house party and you need to take a shit, do you do it with the door wide open so everyone can see and smell you? Or do you actually understand, when it comes down to it, that there are valid reasons for wanting privacy other than wanting to get away with something wrong or illegal?
Just reading this makes me SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW!!!
“Quick question” just means you want a quick answer
I see it like a special move.
Like I’m interjecting/interrupting.
So like “Quick question attack! Where did you get that pie?”
I use this, and I struggle a little to disengage when the person I ask interprets it as “help me figure out how to solve this” when they don’t actually have the “short answer”.
I think there is rarely a short answer despite what the question implies
Yeah, that’s fair, especially in software work.
“Boys will be boys”
How about you teach your kid how to behave and respect others so they don’t grow up to be an entitled asshole.
I was taught about respect and consent, but I was also taught that women largely will not give me the same respect and there’s no convincing the world to fix that.
god loves you/god bless
“God loves you” is fine for me. they are usually simply wishing us happiness in their own way (sure it can be passive-aggressively throw to people they call “sinners” too).
What I really despise is “god has a plan” as words of comfort.
A plan for fucking what? Noahs ark V2? cleverly getting around the “promise not to flood the earth” clause by having greedy assholes pollute the earth in his stead ?
“Ah little 4 year old Andrew would fuck up my plans, better give him cancer… Hm, let’s hit Jane with a truck just incase”
I don’t appreciate that you somehow think a magic man in the sky planning something so cruel would be of any comfort to me.
What I really despise is “god has a plan” as words of comfort.
I got that one a lot after my son killed himself.
How did you resist the urge to punch them?
I’m sorry to hear about your son, and I apologise if my comment brought up some difficult memories.
For me, it was my best friends funeral and his family had an insufferablely god-fearing priest speaking for part of it who knew him from his childhood. He was telling stories were “he found God”, “god has now welcomed him” and “he now knows God’s love”. I don’t recall exactly what he said word for word, I just remember quietly seething throughout his whole speech and also afterwards my other best friends were venting that the whole thing was disrespectful to his memory.
My friend wasn’t religious in the slightest. it felt like a complete stranger trying to convince a room of grieving people comforting lies that he is “in a better place”, when it was clear he didn’t know him at all.
I apologise if my comment brought up some difficult memories.
You are fine, I have to terms with his suicide. I miss him greatly, but I understand why he did it. I think about him all the time. He was my first born, but now technically my youngest of 4. His baby brother is now about 18 months older than he was at his death.
I especially hate it here in the South, as it’s used as a sanctimonious “fuck you” while dishonestly claiming righteousness.
For example, the last time that was said to me was when some asshole crossed a double-yellow to pass me while I was doing 22 in a 25 mph school zone (which means he was doing at least 35 or 40). When I pulled up next to him at the red light and pointed that out, he bitched at me for taking the lane instead of riding in the bike lane (that didn’t exist! It was half a block of shoulder that ended!). He continued to argue that cyclists weren’t entitled to use the street, then as the light changed said “bless you” as if he fucking won and drove off.
It is the most condescending, assholish thing you can say to a person and it makes me want to punch you in your smarmy goddamn face every single time.
When you forget what you were about to say:
“Must not have been important”
How in the ever-living fuck could anybody come to that conclusion?
I’d only ever say it while referring to myself, and when I do it’s not of a consolation to myself or maybe as a way to tell the other person to not feel sorry about distracting me and making me forget. Is that the same way you interpret it?
I appreciate this alternative interpretation. Many of the responses here are helping to show the many lenses that can be looked through at the same phrases!
Every single time that’s happened to me and I later remembered what it was, it wasn’t important.
I meean, if it was really important, it’s very unlikely you would forget it. We use that saying a ton here
I’m sure I’ll get guff for this but, “common sense”. Throughout my youth, when people told me something was common sense, I usually thought they were wrong.
The problem is that common sense isn’t all that common. In Denmark we say “healthy sense” instead.
Common sense is usually one of two things
One: your self preservation instincts
Two: ability to understand social clues and responding accordingly
I rip into people who say “common sense”. It’s often used by people who aren’t good communicators.
I hate the phrase in political contexts.
“We need common sense (insert) laws!”
In other words, you either agree with me or lack common sense.
That was exactly how adults used the phrase a lot for me as a kid, which made me never use it myself, ever.
I’ve found I like interpretating phrase “common sense” akin to this scene, from blazing saddles.
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Money can’t buy happiness.
It’s true, happiness can’t be bought. However, what money can buy is the removal of certain obstacles to that happiness.
This one is only true after a certain point which depends on the cost of living where you live. Money absolutely buys happiness up to a point.
money can’t buy happiness, but it can create the environment and conditions in which you can more easily become happy.
It fundamentally can’t. Humanity has seen plenty of miserable rich folks to know the innate truth of that.
I agree to some extent. I would say money is exchanged time, you earn it by using your time and use it to have more time. You can trade your time (money) for things you dislike to do or will help you to faster achieve what you actually want to do so you can use your time on things you like which makes you happy. But there are things you can’t trade with money and you have to actually use your own time instead of your earned time.
Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you numb and traumatized, not stronger. Big difference.
Whatever doesn’t kill you might make you stronger, but it might also make you weaker. It’s highly dependent on the circumstances.
Jimmy Carr said it best:
My father always said ‘Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…until the accident.’
I liked the quote from Dr. Hibbert on the Simpsons:
“You know what they say, whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!”
“Oh ho ho ho, no… It’s made you weak as a kitten!”
Yeaaahhhh Nietzsche was making a very different point about convalescence but of course popular culture bastardized it. If Nietzsche knew that he was going to become an anthem for white girl positivity, he would… well, he’d probably gloat because he predicted that. But his gloating would look like misery.
Nietzsche and out of context excerpts, you can’t possibly name a better pair.
Tell that to everyone with diabetes 2 that.
“It’s human nature” used to describe something horrific like war or rape.
It’s not. Human nature is as when we were children, playing with friends and loving each other.
Militaries have to condition humans to do violence to each other and to follow orders from “superiors”. Half of school is quashing kids’ creativity and making them follow arbitrary rules because “the adults” say so.
I’d say aggressivity IS a part of human nature. Even kids can be aggressive while playing. It is there inside of us. Whether we use it for good or bad causes and in good or bad ways is what matters.
Have you seen children? Empathy is one of the last things to develop. There is a specific purity of cruelty attributed to children for a reason.
Civilization is conditioned into humans as a general rule, not the other way around, and needs consistent reinforcement. Humans are eusocial, but like chimpanzees and ants where war with other “tribes” is closer to a baseline than cooperation.
Mmk. Go back to flushing your toilet, picking food off of a shelf, typing on your device to a whole planet, leaving your garbage at the curb and benefiting from medical science like all the rest of the chimpanzees then.
Yup. Often said by people who did things as a child that didn’t realize 90% of the other children weren’t initiating the things they are doing.
“I killed a dog. Cuz you know, I was young”
No. That’s not just ‘being young’. Most kids do not do that kind of thing.
It’s the same syndrome you get from rapists in prison. They think everyone secretly wants to rape and that they are just brave.
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results.”
This is literally not the definition of insanity.
I’d slightly change the sentence from ‘and expecting’ to ‘until you get’ (different results) because then you’d have a definition of coercion which is but one technique in how opportunistic manipulators prey on others with the statistics approach. Manipulation is one of the identifiers of NPD and APD.
On the ground level I wouldn’t call predatory salespeople and PUA the opposite of ‘insane’ although that word ‘insane’ has been retired in order to address mental health.
So in essence that definition you called up really is indeed way off when it comes to addressing mental health.
